


blood with no vein

by livmoores



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, not necessarily graphic violence but better safe than sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 02:36:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21154181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livmoores/pseuds/livmoores
Summary: Byleth’s lips gently grazed his (when had she come to his height? He didn’t know). “I told you I’d leave when we die and we haven’t died yet,” she whispered.He didn't need the reminder. This was cruel enough.or,Three times he couldn't tell the difference between his nightmares and the one time he could.





	blood with no vein

**Author's Note:**

> ok but like ??? let me just jump on the god damn bandwagon of the Obsession(tm) with dimitri. my stupid, toxic, CHILD. i'm hopelessly stuck on chapter twenty in hard and classic mode and i've been going through a lot which resulted in this. lmao lord help me, i am obsessed. my boyfriend is so disappointed that i didn't join the black eagles (and he makes fun of my boy) on my first play through but like .... dimitri. and mercedes!!! that's my fuckin favourite name!!! how could i not??? but i digress. (thanks boyfriend for RUINING MY LIFE)
> 
> on a serious note, i wouldn't necessarily call the descriptions of violence graphic, but it's straight forward domestic violence, between the dialogue and the actions that happens. the dialogue, with some exception, is a direct pull from "intro iii" by NF which whew, boy, when i listened to that song i instantly thought of dimtiri and this monster happened. i take no credit for that and highly recommend you all listen to it and cry with me. (pls don't sue @ nf)
> 
> i've reviewed this a handful of times to try and make sure it flows and grammar but no beta, ya know. it's been about three years since i've written anything fanfiction related so i'm a bit rusty and i am coming back with a vengeance. thanks fire emblem. you've ruined me. again (still haven't recovered from fates)

**i.**

“What, are you scared of me?”

The words cut him deep, an audible gasp escaping his lips as he looks up. _No, this isn’t right. _It’s the mantra Dimitri tells himself over and over again as he stared at her, the mocking smile on her lips.

A part of him knows that this isn’t real, that this is just a figment of his imagination because his beloved professor is _dead _and it’s all his fault. No, she’s just another ghost, come to haunt him until the day he dies. Oh, how Dimitri wished that was soon.

“If it wasn’t for me, you could have had her head dangling from your lance right now.”

“For once, we can agree on something!” Dimitri spits out, his vision blurring. All he could see is Edelgard and her head on a stick. A small smile creeps up on his face at the thought but instantly disappears when the mint green hair of the professor catches his eye.

“You know, I’ve been here for you, but how come you’re never there for me?”

_But I was._

The words sting. The last five years had developed in to a messy blur, one where Dimitri couldn’t tell when the day ended and it began. After the battle, after she had disappeared, whatever sense of self perseverance Dimtiri had completely disappeared. It had already been dangling by a fine thread, with him unable to see between right and wrong. But as soon as she was gone? That was the breaking point. Edelgard didn't matter in that moment. Yes, he was coming apart at the seams day by day but as soon as the professor was gone? Any hope of coming back from hell was long gone.

“You left us. You left _me.”_

He didn't recognize his own voice. It sounded so angry, a tone he never would have taken before she abandoned him. He could hear Felix laughing at him in the background, something about the boar prince finally going feral. But it’s more than that. It’s broken, defeated, and full of longing he forgot he had for his childhood crush.

“It’s a little bit twisted, but I miss when you and I had scary dreams,” Byleth goes on, completely ignoring whatever Dimitri had said. He reckoned that was for the best. It still didn’t change the fact that the words continue to pierce his heart. This attack was personal and he knew it.

The days of the academy were a simpler time. Those were the days, where he would wander the hall at night, gasping for air as he tried to struggle with the battle raging on in his mind. It made him scoff to think about it. _Weak, pathetic, useless. _Those were just a few of the thoughts that shifted through Dimitri’s mind as he reflected back on how Byleth would gently sit him down and hold his hand, muttering sweet nothings about her day just to get him to calm down. It brought a sense of warmth to his heart, one that he hadn’t felt in five years, at least.

Five years since the day he had last seen her beautiful smile and it pained him.

“I don’t really want to talk abou--” Dimitri began to snap at her but was instantly cut off by Byleth’s hand grasping at his face. It wasn’t gentle, but harsh, and,

_Shit, it was drawing blood. _

That was new.

He tried to bring his hand up to hers, to pull her hand away from the pain she was causing. Yet Byleth was too strong in the moment and Dimitri almost snorted with laughter. How fitting. She had always been stronger than him. Or maybe he didn’t want to cause harm to his professor, real or not. The latter was more likely.

“Well that’s too bad now.” Byleth’s face was transforming into a snarl, a sick combination of the smile Dimitri loved and the look of pure hatred he had become used to from her. “Dimitri, _shut up.” _She withdrew her hand, admiring the blood underneath her nails.

It was a look he was all too familiar with. How many times had he worn it after taking out the rats that lived in the monastery?

“Now where were we?” Byleth mused, the smirk never leaving her lips.

Dimitri was used to the voices that plagued him every waking minute. He was used to living in the darkness, used to the constant disappointment that would lace their tones. What he wasn’t used to was his professor, the light in his life, talking to him in such a tone. It was enough to make him shrink back into the wall even though all he wanted to do was fight. Yet despite all of that, he knew at this point, he could never lay a hand on her. Besides, she was just a ghost, right?

Right?  
  
Byleth’s eyes light up and the lance dug deeper into his heart. “Ah, way back in the day when you an I had it all mapped out.”

The hypotheticals, the scenarios that they had run through in class… It was all coming back in waves and Dimitri felt himself pushing himself further back into the wall. Out of all the voices and physical manifestations, Byleth was always the loudest and the one that stung the most. He could see the versions of them, younger, happier, laughing in the background over some stupid joke Sylvian had said and it pained him to even think of the happy memory.

“Too bad you went and fucked that one up. I still don’t see her head on your lance.”

Even though Dimitri knew that they had never made proper plans (_we never had the chance without you by my side_) to go after Edelgard, it did not matter to him. What mattered was the failure he felt, the fact that he _knew _he had the chance and once again, he had messed it up.

She moved closer towards him and the blonde man refused to move. His breath hitched when her hand went straight to his eye-patch. The reflex was instant; he grabbed her hand and held it there, squeezing it as hard as he could. He could hear the bones crack underneath his grip and (_like always_), Byleth’s face remained impassive.

“I don’t want you in my life. I didn’t then and I don’t now.” Lies. It was a huge lie and they both knew it. Dimtri’s grip on her now broken wrist loosened and she didn’t flinch. Instead, she withdrew her hand and took a step back.

“That’s pretty hard to digest.” Byleth titled her head to the side, her mint hair cascading off her shoulders in a way that used to knock the wind out of Dimtri. “But you and I both know that’s one of the biggest lies you’ve ever said.”

There was more on the tip of her tongue but she refrained. Instead, she moved closer to Dimitri, their armor touching. The professor moved her injured hand up to his face, pulling herself closer to him. _Gods, _she was so close and Dimtri could feel himself crumbling. This wasn’t fair. He was the one supposed to be in control.

Byleth’s lips gently grazed his (when had she come to his height? He didn’t know). “I told you I’d leave when we die and we haven’t died yet,” she whispered.

Another slap in the face, another cruel reminder that Dimitri was alive in this gods forsaken world. It had taken five years for her to start haunting him. It was five years to long, he knew. And it wasn’t the first time he wished that he was dead. At least if he was dead, this would end.

It was almost like she could sense the agony and a wicked laugh escaped her lips. She was still so close, _so close_, and on instinct, one of his hands grabbed her neck. He was squeezing it, choking her, but not enough to do damage. Not yet, at least. His hands were shaking as he forced himself to look at her with his one good eye. Some part of him was refraining from doing damage to her, alive or not. 

“You don’t this prison I built you?”

He squeezed as hard as he could and he watched the life drain from her eyes.

**ii.**

_She never fucking died_.

As if Dimitri needed another reason to believe his insanity. It was getting worse every time she talked to him. He was losing a battle and the idea of taking his lance to his heart had never been so tempting.

Byleth’s hands were at his chest, leaning against him. What used to be a rather emotionless face was full of spite, of anger, of contempt and Dimitri didn’t know how to handle it.

“I know I’m intense and controlling but you need to learn how to cope with it,” Byleth told him as she pointed a finger to her chest. Dimitri couldn’t help but notice how she was still favouring her right hand, considering how he had crushed her dominate hand.

“Is that just the way it is?” The blonde asked meakly, leaning up against the pillar. This was becoming exhausting. It was a never ending dialogue between the two of them, with her mocking him and him fighting back. In the beginning, he didn't fight back nearly as much. Dimitri had just stood there and listened to whatever she told him, accepting that this was his own personal hell and fate's cruel way of reminding him. 

Byleth laughed. It didn’t sound right. It wasn’t natural.

“If you didn’t want me to live in your house, you shouldn’t have let me move in!” Her lips were at his ear. Her breath felt cold. Maybe he was just cold at this point, he didn’t know. “It’s comfortable here and I like it.”

It didn’t take him nearly as long as the first time to lose control, pleasantries be dammed. Dimitri grabbed her shoulder and pushed her to the ground with every ounce of force he had in him. Byleth hit the ground with a loud thud and he resisted the urge to go to her side. It wouldn't have done a damn thing, considering how he could see the blood pooling from underneath her. Byleth's hair was starting to become soaked with her blood and Dimitri resisted the urge to vomit. 

_Just another one of your demons that you caused. You. You did this. All because you couldn’t save them._

His head was spinning. Slowly, he placed a hand to his head as re-positioned himself against the pillar, trying to stop the headache that was coming on. It was a useless attempt, that much he knew, but it was better than nothing.

The remorse for causing such damage to the professor was diminishing by the day. He truly was becoming feral and at this point, he didn’t care. The idea of death just to escape the misery the professor was putting him through almost brought him a sense of peace. _Almost_.

Images of white and violet flashed through his mind and he scowled. The small ounce of remorse that had been in his heart was replaced by the all consuming rage. It almost made him laugh; this was the emotion he was used to and the one he preferred.

“You say you want to own your life?”

_How the fuck was she still alive? _

“Wake up and take up your own advice. Coward.”

He spit on her.

**iii.**

The lines of reality were blurring.

Dimitri knew that his professor was alive. He had recognized her smell, something the demon in his mind was always absent of, before she had recognized him. But the more he moved around the monastery, the more he saw _her, _the more he started to feel alive. He knew it was sad, especially since the others reminded him, but he didn’t find himself caring.

What he did find himself caring about was the fact that the voice in his head was getting louder by the day. It didn’t matter how many times he had killed her, she _always came back_.

It was a cruel twist of faith. The Byleth of his dreams was relentless, angry, and completely justified in her actions. The Byleth in reality was kind, patient and willing to stand by his side, despite how badly he treated her. They were polar opposites and he _still _couldn’t be sure which one was which.

“Come on, let’s go outside.”

Dimitri looked up, unsure of what to find. Yes, that was his professor’s voice and her body but he wasn’t sure anymore. He gave up trying to figure it out a few weeks ago. It didn’t matter in the long run.

“Go away.”

A sigh. That was new. Dimitri rolled his eyes.

“I know that you’re mad but I am not in the mood for this.”

The scene changed. Or maybe it truly hadn’t and he had moved outside. The blonde knew that at this point his body acted on autopilot. They were outside and there was a shovel in Byleth’s hand and his.

“You told me you’d help me dig up this spot for more flowers. Do you not remember?”

_No_.

“I-“

“No, shut up, I don’t want to hear another sentence.” Byleth pointed her shovel at his chest and then back at the ground. “Dig. You promised, remember?”

Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t, but it didn’t matter at this point. All that mattered was that he wasn’t sure who was standing in front of him and it scared the living hell out of him. His shovel hit the ground, following her every move. The thoughts of flowers crossed his mind but something didn’t make sense. They were digging in the same hole. It was _deep_.

“That’s pretty deep, isn’t it?”

In all the times Dimitri had watched Dedue plant, the holes were never this deep. That much he knew. “Wait a minute, you don’t really think for a second that you’re putting me in this? Fear. It was pure fear that covered his voice and that scared him the most.

“No! Of course not!” Byleth exclaimed, almost looking appalled. “Just a little bit more and we can go inside and stop digging.”

It was a process and it most certainly was not for flowers. It was more likely a mass grave, that’s what Dimitri kept telling himself. “You had me scared for a second. I thought we were digging my own grave.”

He barely had a chance to get the sentence out before the shovel hit his head, knocking him to the ground. Dimitri was filtering in and out of consciousness,

Byleth moved closer towards Dimitri, the smirk back on her face. He didn’t have to be awake to see her expression.

“We did.”

_A fitting end for a feral prince._

**iv.** _  
_

“Come back to bed,” a soft voice whispered into his ear.

Dimitri turned around to see Byleth standing next to him, her arms draped around his shoulders. There was a look of pure exhaustion on her face, something that caused Dimitri to smile. Her bedhead, her nightgown, all of it, was perfect. 

Yet he couldn’t stop the anxiety from creeping in. He pulled away from his wife, doing a once over before gently taking her left wrist and kissing it gently. There were no marks, no trace of broken bones, no _nothing_. Byleth had almost laughed at him when he insisted she get a physical after the war. Little did she know it was purely for his own sanity to make sure that every time he had killed her in his head he hadn’t done damage to his love.

“In a minute,” he replied, just as soft, looking up at her. “I just needed some fresh air. I forgot how much I missed the cold nights.”

_Cold nights to clear my head _were the unspoken words between them. Byleth knew better than to pry, her husband would tell her when the time was ready, but she could take a gamble as to what was going on. She smiled as she pressed a kiss to his forehead, lingering for a moment.

“Whatever you’re reminiscing on, it wasn’t real.” She always knew that it involved her and his demons, that much was obvious. It took some time during the war for him to become even remotely comfortable around her, where he wouldn’t obsessively look at her neck or her wrists for signs of injury.

“I know, my beloved.” And Dimitri did know that. It didn’t make the transition easier. It had only been three moons since the war had ended and while every night got a little bit better, some nights were worse than others. This was one of those nights every time he had killed her flashed through his mind.

Byleth didn’t say anything. She knew that trying to ask was an uphill battle, one she had given up a long time ago. Instead, she opted for moving closer towards him before settling into his lap, curling up into him. A yawn escaped her lips and Dimitri chuckled.

“You are not falling asleep on me out here. You hate this cold.” Although he didn’t want to move from his current position, he knew it was the best for his wife. Gently, he got up, all the while keeping her wrapped in his arms bridal style.

“Yeah, this cold is awful. I’m not sure how you can handle it.”

“I’ve been through worse.”

Dimitri felt his wife’s body stiffen next to him as he moved into their chambers, making note to close the door behind him once he got her settled into bed.

He felt a warm hand on his cheek. It was once a gesture that would make him flinch and now he welcomed it with open arms, almost putty in his hands.

“I know. I love you.”

She didn’t ask. She never asked and Dimitri almost wished she did. Instead, he laid her down on the bed and pressed a kiss to her forward.

“I love you too. And thank you,” he began, pulling her into a hug. “For everything.”

Some of his nightmares were better left unspoken. 

**Author's Note:**

> i cry @ myself for setting up the head canon that dimitri would have panic attacks when he was younger and byleth would calm him down it's fuckin fine


End file.
